My grandpa’s dying
They gave him about a month. He’s at home with hospice, but I have to take care of him most of the day. Just as I did for my grandma before she died a year and a half ago. I love my grandpa and I’m upset, but I just can’t do this again. Along with the other things that have happened in this last year and a half, I just can’t take any more. The hospice provides therapy for a year for my dad and his siblings, but it doesn’t provide it for me, even though I’m the one who’s taken care of both of their parents more than the three of them have. And, on top of it all, I have to start paying my student loans next month, which means I need to find a job, any job, asap, and start working AND taking care of him.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to succeed or further myself when I’m stuck in this awful, depressing situation with no help. It’s unfair.
Today his inevitably approaching death became too real to me though. They handed me a book that’s entitled “When Death Approaches”, which details all the typical signs and red flags that happen before a person begins to die and while they are in the process of actively dying. I remembered a lot of them from my grandma, so it wasn’t new. I just can’t believe I’m doing it all over again already. I haven’t slept a wink since I got home from Madrid because I’m too afraid I won’t hear him calling for help (which is almost every night). I’m not complaining about helping him, I’m just already passed my tolerance for stress and this is beginning to really bring me down. All I want to do since I’ve been home is lay in my bed and sleep all day long and not get up, which is a stark contrast to how lively I just was in Spain.
I’m only 21, how am I supposed to do this a second time?
